i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I could make wine with my vomit
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
