The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You are the jesus of drinking
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
