the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
