What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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