I look better un-naked...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
