So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize