So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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