It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize