There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it was like having sex with a tree stump
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
