he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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