this just has baby written all over it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
