honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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