I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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