i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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