Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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