Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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