i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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