It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
