no, he came in my armpit
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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