there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
