mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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