I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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