I just made out with a guy for $7.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Couch. On fire.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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