im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
