Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
