I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize