Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
