I could have mohawked her pubes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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