so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize