Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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