YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
and you fell through a lawn chair
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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