i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
