im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
