When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
