Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
