I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
