Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize