1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
