I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
