You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize