I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
