Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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