Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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