I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
