the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
