If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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