I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
