Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
