I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
