all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
