I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
