Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize