went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
