Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
