I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
