Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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