If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
