I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
