my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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