I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
