i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
