gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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