I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
