A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
